Your Neighborhood Gossip, by Auntie Gloria

Well, hello everybody! Auntie Gloria here.  I'm so pleased that Wilbur Duck has asked me to come out of retirement to write this column.  Although the pandemic has pinched a lot of our lives, there's always a place for some good gossip.  And do I have some for you!

I've been keeping my eyes and ears open...

Hey, was that Hector Reilly I saw walking down Pleasant Street yesterday?  Didn't look like his feet were touching the sidewalk, and he had that goofy smile on his face, even after he walked smack into that mailbox on the corner.  I wonder if it has anything to do Ella Bachelor, who was walking right there with him, six feet behind him? She'll make a beautiful bride, Hector, don't wait too long to pop the question!

And the buzz around here is that You Know Who is expecting... yet again.  Half the families in town must have a puppy from one of her litters, and she's apparently getting ready to give the other half of town a puppy each their own.  Really, Ben Smith, you need to patch that hole in your fence before You Know Who gets out and does 'you know what' with the Morgan's lab again. I swear, that dog of their's is hornier than Uncle Ab after he's had two dozen oysters at Buck a Shuck night at Del Bello's!

Well, the pandemic has certainly wrecked a lot of plans for this spring.  The Elks club has had to cut back their customer hours- to none.  Although they are offering take-out beer. So all of you Best People on Earth, Chester Bennett says 'come on down, we're still pouring- you just have to bring your own mug, we'll top it off, and then you can just get the hell away!' That Chester sure knows how to pitch an invite, doesn't he?

The Y has cancelled their ballroom dancing class for the next two weeks.  They will be offering a modern solo dance class starting next Sunday.

And speaking of Sunday's, hasn't this pandemic put a crimp in the holier than though crowd!  People are getting creative, though.  I heard that Reverend Stent tried one of those on-line applications to run a service electronically last Sunday.  He was halfway through his homily, when apparently a certain senior citizen who lives in assisted housing over at Brookview took off all his clothes on camera and started to, you know!  Went straight from family viewing to X rated!

Well, I have to save a few little nuggets for the next column.  Til then, remember to keep your eyes and ears open, and Auntie Gloria on speed dial if you see anything out there that's 'gossip-worthy'!